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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 157 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Sep 26, 2012 11:20am PDT
middle earth. (cheers and applause) yours, stephen colbert." okay. put that bad boy in an envelope and send! (cheers and applause) and for my few viewers out there who aren't mitt romney, you can get your own copy at bookstores everywhere starting next week if there are still bookstores anywhere next week. we'll be right back. 4h$h b♪7uust hooked 'em uj@ xn4 shéb ewnowe're a0out to set iapn@]@ b frñr-cre> stephen: welcome back, everybody! later in my show tonight my guest will be claressa shields, the first-ever female olympic gold medalist in boxing. that is my dream job! (laughter) traveling the world punching foreigners in the face. (laughter) this is the sport report. (cheers and applause) nation, a couple weeks back i broke the story about how the n.f.l. owners locked out its union referees and is now using replacements from division 3 college football, high school football, and, i believe, european football. (laughter) in fact, in the last week's jets/dolphins game, both teams got a yellow card for usi
Comedy Central
Sep 25, 2012 11:30pm PDT
." (laughter) "just make me ambassador to middle earth. (cheers and applause) yours, stephen colbert." okay. put that bad boy in an envelope and send! (cheers and applause) and for my few viewers out there who aren't mitt romney, you can get your own copy at bookstores everywhere starting next week if there are still bookstores anywhere next week. we'll be right back. ♪ most paints have color that sits on the surface. but nothing beats benjamin moore's color lock technology that locks color right in, no matter how often you wash it. color lock technology. exclusively from your benjamin moore retailer. find your perfect color with a buy one, get one pint offer. visit benjaminmoore.com/promo. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! later in my show tonight my guest will be claressa shields, the first-ever female olympic gold medalist in boxing. that is my dream job! (laughter) traveling the world punching foreigners in the face. (laughter) this is the sport report. (cheers and applause) nation, a couple weeks back i broke the story about how the n.f.l. owners locked out its union referees and
MSNBC
Sep 28, 2012 2:30am PDT
to miss. and stephen colbert shows us how the romney campaign is reacting to a bad week of poll numbers and, of course, a check on this friday weather all when "way too early" come right back. ally bank. why they have a raise your rate cd. tonight our guest, thomas sargent. nobel laureate in economics, and one of the most cited economists in the world. professor sargent, can you tell me what cd rates will be in two years? no. if he can't, no one can. that's why ally has a raise your rate cd. ally bank. your money needs an ally. >>> lovely shot of the capitol there in washington, d.c. let's get a check on your friday weather now from nbc meteorologist bill karins. good morning. >> let it rain on the friday to clear it out for the weekend. >> sounds good to me. >> if you're in new england, you'll be dealing with wet roads out there and embedded areas of heavier rain through connecticut and exiting northern jersey and southern portions of new york. this is with us for the first half of the day. by the second half of the day, this is exiting northern new england. as far as the forec
MSNBC
Sep 29, 2012 5:00am EDT
next, stephen colbert tackles the latest desperate cry from the right. the poems showing president obama leading and mitt romney behind are unfair. we just had the fox poll that says obama is ahead by five. this is "hardball," the place for politics. >>> back to "hardball." i told you yesterday about the anger coming from some on the right over recent polls on the presidential race. not everyone is willing to admit president obama is actually leading mitt romney right now. despite what the polling data shows. well, stephen colbert weighed in. >> you can't trust polls, right fox news? >> the latest fox news polls give president obama an edge in three key swing states. once you isolate voters who are extremely interested in the election, the race is much closer. >> romney's tied when you focus on the inexpressibly intrigued. and he's up by two points when you count only voters who are psychotically engaged. folks, i have got my own source of polls, conservative blogger dean chambers who analyzed these polls favoring obama and then reached the scientific conclusion that they just didn
MSNBC
Sep 26, 2012 2:30am PDT
stephen colbert considers a statement made by mitt romney in the wake of his wife's emergency plane landing after the cabin filled with smoke, he believes airplane windows ought to roll down. that clip and a check on weather when "way too early" comes right back. bob, these projections... they're... optimistic. productivity up, costs down, time to market reduced... those are good things. upstairs, they will see fantasy. not fantasy... logistics. ups came in, analyzed our supply chain, inventory systems... ups? ups. not fantasy? who would have thought? i did. we did, bob. we did. got it. for the spender who needs a little help saving. for adding "& sons." for the dreamer, planning an early escape. for the mother of the bride. for whoever you are, for whatever you're trying to achieve, pnc has technology, guidance, and over 150 years of experience to help you get there. ♪ boring. boring. [ jack ] after lauren broke up with me, i went to the citi private pass page and decided to be...not boring. that's how i met marilyn... giada... really good. yes! [ jack ] ...and alicia. ♪ this g
MSNBC
Sep 28, 2012 5:30am EDT
, stephen colbert takes us through how mitt romney is handling the news. >> folks, there's no reason to panic over the poll numbers. just ask mitt. >> i'm curious what you say to your supporters tonight, your donors who might be concerned that this could be slipping away. >> i'm very pleased with some polls, less so with other polls but frankly at this early stage, polls go up. polls go down. >> exactly. it's still early. there are 40 days left until the election. a lot can happen in 40 days. obama can make a gaffe. mitt can win the debates, god can send a flood and destroy all man kind. so there's hope. in fact, the election is so far off, i mean why are we even talking about it? mitt isn't talking about it. last week when reporter asked him if he was going to start campaigning harder, romney responded -- ha, ha, we're in the stretch, aren't we? look at those clouds. it's beautiful. look at those things. yeah. yeah. yeah. just look at those things. look at those pretty clouds. that one kind of looks like a bunny. or if you turn your head the other way crushing poll results. >> all righ
MSNBC
Sep 27, 2012 2:30am PDT
out the play-off races in sports. >>> and stephen colbert prepares us for the apork-alypse. that clip and a check on weather when "way too early" comes right back. [ ow ner ] i need to expand to meet the needs of my growing business. but how am i going to fund it? and i have to find a way to manage my cash flow better. [ female announcer ] our wells fargo bankers are here to listen, offer guidance and provide you with options tailored to your business. we've loaned more money to small businesses than any other bank for ten years running. so come talk to us to see how we can help. wells fargo. together we'll go far. wells fargo. [ feedback ] attention, well, everyone. you can now try snapshot from progressive free for 30 days. just plug this into your car, and your good driving can save you up to 30%. you could even try it without switching your insurance. why not give it a shot? carry on. now you can test-drive snapshot before you switch. visit progressive.com today. this single scoop of gain gives more freshness than a whole box of this other stuff... and that much freshness is
MSNBC
Sep 6, 2012 5:30am EDT
their title defense against dallas. highlights ahead in sports. >>> and stephen colbert brought to tears while he fake criticizes michelle obama's speech from the other night. that and the weather when "way too early" comes back from the black fin saloon in charlotte, north carolina. >> stop all the talks. cut off the telephone. prevent the dog from barking. silent the pianos. bring on the coffin. let the mourners come. [ woman ] ring. ring. progresso. your new light creamy potato with bacon & cheese soup says it's 100 calories a serving. that's right. in what world do potatoes, bacon and cheese add up to 100 calories? your world. my world. ♪ [ whispers ] real bacon... creamy cheese... [ whispers ] 100 calories... say it again... [ whispers ] 100 calories... ma'am, hello? ma'am [ male announcer ] progresso. you gotta taste this soup. ma'am, hello? ma'am dnnks i hamybdomen..itwo g wati aicovn,..t rlrn meoron i hamybdomen..itwo g r.bohiloovn,..t rlrn so let's talk about coverage. based on this chart, who would you choose ? wow. you guys take a minute. verizon, hands down. i'm going
MSNBC
Sep 30, 2012 4:00am PDT
to have you on as always. >>> up next, stephen colbert tackles the latest desperate cry from the right. the polls show president obama leading and mitt romney says they are unfair. what about updated equipment? they can help, but recent research shows... ...nothing transforms schools like investing in advanced teacher education. let's build a strong foundation. let's invest in our teachers so they can inspire our students. let's solve this. customer erin swenson bought so, i'm happy. today. sales go up... i'm happy. it went out today... i'm happy. what if she's not home? (together) she won't be happy. use ups! she can get a text alert, reroute... even reschedule her package. it's ups my choice. are you happy? i'm happy. i'm happy. i'm happy. i'm happy. i'm happy. happy. happy. happy. happy. (together) happy. i love logistics. a short word that's a tall order. up your game. up the ante. and if you stumble, you get back up. up isn't easy, and we ought to know. we're in the business of up. everyday delta flies a quarter of million people while investing billions improving everything
FOX News
Sep 23, 2012 12:34pm PDT
paper. comedy central stephen colbert hates change and radical new design of his favorite paper sent him reeling. >> from now on, when news breaks that circular nature, the u.s.a. today will be all over it folks. whether it be planets, tractor tires, the wheel of fortune, pizzas, bagels, pizza bagels. [ applause ] >> although if spongebob square pants ever chokes on a dorrito at the pentagon, you won't read about it in the u.s.a. today. [ laughter ] >> jon: the folks at u.s.a. today took issue with colbert's criticism and at the top of thursday's lighted section they proved him wrong. should the late night comic be the top news story, they have a blue circle rea
Comedy Central
Sep 18, 2012 1:10am PDT
the pepper spray anniversary. this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the show, everybody. (cheers and applause) good to have you with us. please, ladies and gentlemen, please. take a load off. i don't know about you but i had a beautiful weekend. i was down in washington d.c. for the conservative values voters summit. not exactly a gala affair. for some reason the group fighting to defy gay people rights has trouble finding a competent party planner. but i tell you this, it is a great place to hear from prominent conservative voices like jan brewer, circumstance cameron, eric cantor and a 9 millimeter firing at a disk of birth-control pills. but folks-- (laughter) >> stephen: folks, only one speaker down there really appealed to the voters' heart and... well, just heart. >> we will never have the media on our side, ever in this time. we will never have the elite smart people on our side. (laughter) >> stephen: yes. he's right. and it is time... (cheers and applause) >> stephen: it is high time that gops stop trying to appeal to smart people. and let
Comedy Central
Sep 18, 2012 6:40pm PDT
my apology to stephen colbert, act 1, the apology, act 2, you forgive me. >> stephen: well, of course i forgive you ira. >> thank you, stephen, really, i really have come to realize if anybody should be a guest on this american life it's you because you are america. i read will-- learned that from watching your show. >> stephen: thank you, i watch your show too. >> my show is on the radio. (laughter) >> stephen: of course it is,. i turn the sound down and i watch my radio. >> stephen, if i could i would also like everyone to check out a movie i produced and cowrote called sleep walk with me out in theatres now. >> stephen: sure, sure. wait a second, ira did you just call to plug your movie? >> no i called to wish you a happy new year. >> stephen: well, thanks. >> and what better way to celebrate than by watching the sundance-winning comedy sleeper of the year that i produced called sleep walk with me out in theatres now. >> stephen: well, i'm sorry for doubting your sincerity ira. >> i forgive you. >> stephen: ira glass, everybody. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: we'll be rig
WETA
Sep 23, 2012 6:00pm EDT
potter's greatest claim to fame is as the man who keeps stephen colbert out of jail. he advised colbert on how to create his own super pac and then to set up his more clandestine 501 (c) (4). take a look. >> so how do i gets me one, trevor? >> well, lawyers often form delaware corporations, which we call shell corporations, that just sit there until they're needed. >> like, so some anonymous shell corporation? >> right. and, and i happen to have one here in my briefcase. >> let's see it. >> so -- >> okay, what's it called? >> it's called, "anonymous shell corporation." >> "anonymous shell corporation" filed in delaware? okay, i got this. so now, now i have a (c) (4)? >> right. now we need to turn it into your shell corporation, your anonymous one. and we do that by having normally a board of directors meeting. >> and who's on the board of directors? >> well, just you. we can just have you do this -- >> sounds like a nice group of people. >> so -- >> all right, called to order. let's do this thing. >> all right, so this says that you are the sole director of the corporation. >> i am. >> and
FOX
Sep 24, 2012 6:00am EDT
fallon and stephen colbert. >> fell know nominees jimmy fallon and stephen colbert tackled him as he made his way down the aisle. >>> folks will get to see the material girl right here in d.c. again tonight. she sang songs from her new album and a few of the old classics last night at the verizon center. show will kick off at 9:00 p.m. metro will be open until 1:00 a.m. to accommodate those crowds. >> veronica johnson with the weather. >>> if we can get through today, wrl, we should be able to get through the rest of the week without the complaints, right? take a look at this. we all like getting something new, especially when it's free. this is our new camera from high a' atop the gaylord national center. you can see the woodrow wilson bridge in the distance. 45 degrees. damascus, maryland, our cool spot. up to the north. montgomery county, howard county too. 48 degrees in leesburg, virginia. arlington at 52 degrees. lesby, maryland, currently at 52 degrees. your day planner forecast. by the time we get to noontime, it's still going to be chilly. got the jacket on now, getting ready to h
Comedy Central
Sep 27, 2012 1:30am PDT
photo i.d. because they're really cracking down. i'm stephen colbert and i pray this message. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight has written a new book which he describes as an existential detective story. he never tells you who did it because what's the point? please welcome jim holt! (cheers and applause) hey, what's going on there, mr. molt? nice to see you! is it mr. molt, dr. holt? >> mr. holt. >> stephen: okay, you're not one of those fancy doctors of thought guys. >> i'm a drop dropout. >> stephen: good. you're an essayist and a critic on philosophy, mathematics and science and you have a new book called "why does the world exist: an existential detective story." >> you say that sarcastically. (laughter) >> stephen: that's as sincere as i get. (laughter) first question: why does world exist exist? (laughter) what led you to write this book? >> good question. i was raised in a very religious family. >> stephen: what kind? >> catholic. >> stephen: how religious were you? >> i said the rosary. i
FOX News
Sep 23, 2012 3:30pm EDT
stephen colbert hates change and radical new design of his favorite paper sent him reeling. >> from now on, when news breaks that circular nature, the u.s.a. today will be all over it folks. whether it be planets, tractor tires, the wheel of fortune, pizzas, bagels, pizza bagels. [ applause ] >> although if spongebob square pants ever chokes on a dorrito at the pentagon, you won't read about it in the u.s.a. today. [ laughter ] >> jon: the folks at u.s.a. today took issue with colbert's criticism and at the top of thursday's lighted section they proved him wrong. should the late night comic be the top news story, they have a blue circle ready to go. that is wrap on news watch this week. thanks to our panel.
Comedy Central
Sep 10, 2012 11:30pm PDT
, i would totally do stephen colbert. >> the feel is, the feeling is understandable. but some in the media understand that for ryan to be a true game changer, he has got to treat reality like a game. i mean, cmn gets it. >> the critics out there will dispute some of his facts in the speech, there is no doubt he delivered for the republicans. >> there will be some issues there with some of the facts. but it motivated people. >> there were do you think there were some misstatements of facts? >> but let's not forget. this is a speech about big ideas. >> stephen: yes. huge ideas, ideas like lying is handy. i mean, if we cared about facts, i mean would warren g harding have invented the cotton gin? would president reagan have won the 1987 nba slam dunk contest? no! besides, may i remind everyone out there is the presidential race. and to win a race, sometimes you need to juice. ryan stretching the truth to make his speech more effective is just another form of doping. in that, if you believe him, you're a dope. and it feels good. and if they win the election it validates the strategy and
NBC
Sep 24, 2012 4:00am PDT
company. even if stephen colbert and jimmy fallon did all they could to keep him from accepting. >>> in seattle, a group of good samaritans helps capture a suspected jewelry store robber. authorities say a doorman from a nearby hotel who chased and tackled the masked gunman was shot in the arm during the incident. a group of bystanders came to his aid and piled on to the suspect until police arrived. the doorman was in stable condition at an area hospital. >>> in massachusetts, a sea turtle was returned to the wild. the seven-foot-long 655-pound leather neck turtle was found stranded near cape cod on thursday. marine biologists treated the creature for injuries and dehydration before setting it free on sunday. >>> in wisconsin, what do you get when mixing 300 people and 6,000 pounds of rotten tomatoes besides a big mess? milwaukee's sixth annual tomato romp, of course. participants gathered inside a fenced-in parking lot and let the fruit fly. yikes. proceeds go to local charities that help fight hunger. >>> now for a look at your weather, here's bill karins with the weather channel for
MSNBC
Sep 26, 2012 5:30am EDT
was reported in the cabin. last night stephen colbert t incident.tt ro'seactn >> on saturday, ann romney's plane had to make an emergency landing after an electrical fire broke out on board. i'm happy to hear she's fine. mitt used in this close call to present a bold id he yav fire in an aircraft, there's no place to go exactly. there's no -- and you can't find any oxygen to get in because the windows don't open. i don't know why they don'to that. but it's a real proble it is aealprm. foe tht explains why burger king doesn't have a fly-through window. >> i would eat there about if they can it. still ahead, why are you awake? your cabin presse tweets, texts and e-mails are next. does your phone give you all day battery life ? launch cab4me. droid does. keep left at the fork. does it do turn-by-turn navigation ? droid does. with verizon america's largest 4g lte network, and motorola, oid es. get $100 off selt rotertes like the droid razr. hey america, even though slisa rinna is wearing the new depend silhouette briefs for charity to prove how great the fit is even under a fantastic
Comedy Central
Sep 27, 2012 11:25am PDT
eternity-- vote mitt romney. but bring photo i.d. because they're really cracking down. i'm stephen colbert and i pray this message. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) we asked over 3,000 doctors to review 5-hour energy and what they said is amazing. over 73 percent who reviewed 5-hour energy said they would recommend a low calorie energy supplement to their healthy patients who use energy supplements. seventy-three percent. 5-hour energy has four calories and it's used over nine million times a week. is 5-hour energy right for you? ask yodoctor. we already asked 3,000. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight has written a new book which he describes as an existential detective story. he never tells you who did it because what's the point? please welcome jim holt! (cheers and applause) hey, what's going on there, mr. molt? nice to see you! is it mr. molt, dr. holt? >> mr. holt. >> stephen: okay, you're not one of those fancy doctors of thought guys. >> i'm a drop dropout. >> stephen: good. you're an essayist and a critic on philosophy, mat
MSNBC
Sep 21, 2012 5:30am EDT
questions focused on latino voters. stephen colbert suggested romney was perhaps trying to emile to the audience with more than just words. >> here he is monday on the campaign trail and here he is last night on univision. now, clearly he wants it. he wants it. clearly he wants it. apparently he just entered the spray tan booth and cranked it up to montalban. >> with corinthian leather. >>> the 80-year-old pa richer who volunteered to restore this fresco of christ with a crown of thorns and the shock and horror when she revealed this cartoon-like painting as her finished restoration. well, 000s are flocking to the site where the church is charging a small fee for an up close look at the botched masterpiece. and get this, the artist now says she wants a slice of those profits for boosting tourism in the region. the would-be artist claims copyright on the work and wants the church to pay her royalty fees. she said she'd then donate that money to charity. >>> a spanish newspaper reports the exhibit brought in more than 2,000 euros after only four days of charging admission. a lot to do
Comedy Central
Sep 20, 2012 6:35pm PDT
, thank you. >> you forgot i'm doing the colbert show, too. >> stephen: congratulations, when an honor. [cheers and applause] it's -- we're until the days after tonement here. anything would you like to apologies for me for? >> for all the wrong notes. throughout the years there were about -- i think -- three of them. >> stephen: i was going to say, i accept your apology. thank you so much. [ laughter ] i love classical music in its place, okay, at the background -- background at a nice restaurant or something to cut an olympic montage too but i don't understand people's passion for classical music. what is it that drew you to it? >> i was listening on the radio to violinist and classical pieces and orchestras and i like particularly the violinists the sound of tone. >> stephen: how old are we talking here? >> three or four years ago. they brought me a small violin and it didn't sound like i heard on the radio. i threw it away. we post ponied my training to a year later when i could actually make a scratchy sound. >> stephen: when did people say this kid has got it? >> about a year ago
Comedy Central
Sep 20, 2012 11:25am PDT
violin the colbert bump right now. >> absolutely. >> stephen: i'm giving the bump very gently because it's a stratovarius -- >> i'll look at my facebook page and see how much of a bump you are giving me. >> stephen: would you please do a song for us when we come back? >> no, i don't want to. >> stephen: folks, i tried. we'll be back with a performance about itzhak perlman. thank you so 4h$h @@@@@@@@ú[l[m[m[m[ >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, here with pianist rohan de silva itzhak perlman playing. >> chrysler's bravest dance. how is that? >> stephen: drop it like it's hot. ♪ snow ♪ ♪
Current
Sep 27, 2012 10:00pm PDT
i would support president obama more knowing he's restarting the ottoman empire. stephen colbert did the best takedown of him ever on this. watch. >> according to -- ottoman empire is making the comeback with the help of barack obama. >> it is i! welcome to obama's ottoman america. >> thank you congressman louie gohmert for warning us against the ottoman menace. >> cenk: that was one of the funniest and smartest segments i'veer seen. so of course, gohmert in the middle of the ring. hey, watch out. here comes colbert! what now louie? what >> on tonight's show, i'll sit down with two political polar also first the outspoken stephen baldwin and the liberal richard belzer, plus carole king. all that and more next on say anything. >> my first guest is an outspoken conservative,
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 157 (some duplicates have been removed)